Friday, January 23, 2009
We've moved
We've moved Lilly's blog over to this less anonymous sounding spot. She deserves to have a little piece of the web world be all her own. We've retained the other site (conklinbabynews.blogspot.com) for any future baby news.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Plaque
They put up Lilly's plaque at church this week so we thought we'd share photos of the plaque along with the view from her burial location.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Factor V
Today we got the results of my blood test and I do indeed have a blood clotting disorder. The variety I have is called Factor V.
The good news is that its treatable and we should be able to guard against it in future pregnancies.
The bad news is that we found out too late to save our little Lilly's life.
Today was a hard day. A very hard day. But, at least now our questions are answered and we can begin to move forward.
The good news is that its treatable and we should be able to guard against it in future pregnancies.
The bad news is that we found out too late to save our little Lilly's life.
Today was a hard day. A very hard day. But, at least now our questions are answered and we can begin to move forward.
Monday, January 12, 2009
In Rose's Garden
The wife of Brent's second grade reading teacher wrote this poem for Lilly Rose. It is such a lovely, moving poem so I thought I would share it.
In Rose's Garden
Lillian Rose
borrowed angel
born still and perfect.
Flown.
She waits
on another cloud
and will know you by lullabies
sung and hand strokes
pressed to womb.
She will know you
past moon and stars.
Know your kiss
and hear her name
upon your lips
and come to you both
in the garden of reunion
and grace.
-Susan A. Scheno
In Rose's Garden
Lillian Rose
borrowed angel
born still and perfect.
Flown.
She waits
on another cloud
and will know you by lullabies
sung and hand strokes
pressed to womb.
She will know you
past moon and stars.
Know your kiss
and hear her name
upon your lips
and come to you both
in the garden of reunion
and grace.
-Susan A. Scheno
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Answers
Today we had our appointment with Dr. Baron, a high-risk pregnancy doctor in Sarasota. She'll be partnering with our OB when we get pregnant again to help us get through the pregnancy.
Today's visit was about starting to find answers to what happened with Lilly. After they did the pathology testing on my placenta they told us that Lilly's passing was not a cord-related death.
The pathology test came back inconclusive, but Dr. Baron thinks there are enough signs that point to a blood clotting disorder to warrant a barrage of blood testing. We'll do the blood tests next week along with yet another multi-hour glucose test.
The good news: If it is in fact a blood clotting disorder, we'll know what happened. Although even then, the doctor thinks the speed at which things went from fine to awful is unusual.
The bad news: If it wasn't a blood clotting disorder, we'll probably never know what happened. Also, the disorder puts me at a high risk for a stroke later in life. It also means that during subsequent pregnancies I'll need to give myself two shots a day.
The doctor thinks the combo of my placenta being 1/2 the size of a usual pregnancy mixed with a large spot in the placenta that was calcified (dead) indicate blood clots cutting off growth to the placenta and therefore nourishment to Lilly. But because Lilly was such a healthy size, there was no indication that she was not getting the nourishment she needed.
Also, the blood-clotting issue would be genetic and there are no indications in my family that point to the disorder.
I guess we still have no answers and today I'm feeling somewhere between defeated and angry at the world. Angry because I've always taken such good care of my health and yet I'm not healthy. Meanwhile so many people are not careful and have healthy babies.
In the end, I think you can choose to let this make you cynical and angry or you can try to heal and grow. Today I was angry, but I know that tomorrow we'll choose to let this make us stronger.
Today's visit was about starting to find answers to what happened with Lilly. After they did the pathology testing on my placenta they told us that Lilly's passing was not a cord-related death.
The pathology test came back inconclusive, but Dr. Baron thinks there are enough signs that point to a blood clotting disorder to warrant a barrage of blood testing. We'll do the blood tests next week along with yet another multi-hour glucose test.
The good news: If it is in fact a blood clotting disorder, we'll know what happened. Although even then, the doctor thinks the speed at which things went from fine to awful is unusual.
The bad news: If it wasn't a blood clotting disorder, we'll probably never know what happened. Also, the disorder puts me at a high risk for a stroke later in life. It also means that during subsequent pregnancies I'll need to give myself two shots a day.
The doctor thinks the combo of my placenta being 1/2 the size of a usual pregnancy mixed with a large spot in the placenta that was calcified (dead) indicate blood clots cutting off growth to the placenta and therefore nourishment to Lilly. But because Lilly was such a healthy size, there was no indication that she was not getting the nourishment she needed.
Also, the blood-clotting issue would be genetic and there are no indications in my family that point to the disorder.
I guess we still have no answers and today I'm feeling somewhere between defeated and angry at the world. Angry because I've always taken such good care of my health and yet I'm not healthy. Meanwhile so many people are not careful and have healthy babies.
In the end, I think you can choose to let this make you cynical and angry or you can try to heal and grow. Today I was angry, but I know that tomorrow we'll choose to let this make us stronger.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Holidays
The holidays have been harder than we ever could have imagined.
We wished our Lilly a Merry Christmas with nothing to hold onto but the cold, hard earth. We visited her after Christmas Eve service, a service filled with the hope and joy brought to the world by the birth of a baby. It's amazing how many times a day your heart can break. No toy-filled Christmas for us and the precious outfit we bought for the occasion went back to the store for some other little girl to wear.
Our Thanksgiving plans had centered around introducing our precious girl to our families. Instead, we avoided the holiday and ran away to Kansas. It was a hard day, a day we had so counted on and dreamed about for so long and the pain was still so fresh and the physical pain was still so strong.
We rang in 2009 praying for a better year to come and for a new life to love.
We continue to hold on to our faith, clutching it close to our hearts, believing. Many times, it's hard. Taking solace seems so shallow.
Day by pain-filled day we go, wanting so desperately to push fast-forward to a brighter day. One with an overflowing bounty of joy.
Happy New Year? Nope, not yet. But we hope and pray so ... soon.
We wished our Lilly a Merry Christmas with nothing to hold onto but the cold, hard earth. We visited her after Christmas Eve service, a service filled with the hope and joy brought to the world by the birth of a baby. It's amazing how many times a day your heart can break. No toy-filled Christmas for us and the precious outfit we bought for the occasion went back to the store for some other little girl to wear.
Our Thanksgiving plans had centered around introducing our precious girl to our families. Instead, we avoided the holiday and ran away to Kansas. It was a hard day, a day we had so counted on and dreamed about for so long and the pain was still so fresh and the physical pain was still so strong.
We rang in 2009 praying for a better year to come and for a new life to love.
We continue to hold on to our faith, clutching it close to our hearts, believing. Many times, it's hard. Taking solace seems so shallow.
Day by pain-filled day we go, wanting so desperately to push fast-forward to a brighter day. One with an overflowing bounty of joy.
Happy New Year? Nope, not yet. But we hope and pray so ... soon.
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