Holidays

The holidays have been harder than we ever could have imagined.

We wished our Lilly a Merry Christmas with nothing to hold onto but the cold, hard earth. We visited her after Christmas Eve service, a service filled with the hope and joy brought to the world by the birth of a baby. It's amazing how many times a day your heart can break. No toy-filled Christmas for us and the precious outfit we bought for the occasion went back to the store for some other little girl to wear.

Our Thanksgiving plans had centered around introducing our precious girl to our families. Instead, we avoided the holiday and ran away to Kansas. It was a hard day, a day we had so counted on and dreamed about for so long and the pain was still so fresh and the physical pain was still so strong.

We rang in 2009 praying for a better year to come and for a new life to love.

We continue to hold on to our faith, clutching it close to our hearts, believing. Many times, it's hard. Taking solace seems so shallow.

Day by pain-filled day we go, wanting so desperately to push fast-forward to a brighter day. One with an overflowing bounty of joy.

Happy New Year? Nope, not yet. But we hope and pray so ... soon.